My dream comes true every day, by the grace of God, that is that I can say to myself and others “I don’t drink anymore”. You see, 13 years prior to me getting sober I had a dream that I told someone I didn’t drink anymore. Those were hard days because I was 24 years old and already very ashamed of my alcoholic behaviors. I was known as a drunk and lush who didn’t live by any moral principles. It was truly, truly a horrible existence for me. Going forward from that day I would often dream, if that day of proclaiming “I don’t drink anymore”, would become a reality. Well it did! in 2003 and for over the last 21 years i have been blessed with living that dream everyday. I could not have done this without God, family and a lot of good people along the way. What a blessing. I share this today because my wish for the suffering alcoholic and those new in recovery can experience the same dream coming true. Getting sober changes your life in so many beautiful ways and you deserve that. I appreciate you reading my post today and my wish for you today is to start dreaming that you can get and stay sober. Ask God to give you the strength to get started on your way toward sobriety even if it just starts today with a dream. God Bless YOu.
My Personal Quest
Its almost been a year since I last posted. Many reasons for it I suppose but no excuse for not doing it. I have kept this site active each year in hopes that it is helping a struggling alcoholic. I appreciate all comments that have come in. I have been on a personal quest to learn more about religion. From my attending church, focusing on scriptures in the bible and praying daily and throughout the day I feel I am strengthening my relationship with Jesus Christ who is my Lord and Savior. Now I am not proposing that all alcoholics must find religion in order to recover and stay recovered but simply stating personal witness to how it is affecting my way of living and my continued sobriety and mostly how fascinating the bible is to me. It is teaching me to be humble and grateful for what have. To know that i am truly blessed and will always be taken care of. To give more rather always taking. To pass on what I have learned and to know that I am only sober “by the grace of god” just to name a few. My wish is that the still struggling alcoholic find one or any and all avenues that will help them stay sober. It is a truly a wonderful way of living. In my 21 years of continued sobriety now I have made many mistakes and have been sinful but I can see I am evolving to being a better person. Not perfect but just better. My legacy that I hope to leave behind is that ” Ken was a good person”…nothing more and nothing less. I have noted in past blogs with my personal struggle to know if I am really helping other alcoholics by blogging and keeping this site active. I have been fortunate enough to have written my book, created this website and produced some youtube videos in hope of reaching the suffering alcoholic. For now I am going to leave it to god to know if I am reaching others. This way I will continue to try and be at peace and feel confident with my continued presence on this site and others. If you are a struggling alcoholic or know of someone who is I encourage you to read some of my posts and comment on them so that others can determine if this site is helpful for them. For now I pray to have a continued drive in my personal quest so that I can be as much an asset to the struggling alcoholic as I can. As always I appreciate you reading this or any of my posts. May god bless you!
By the Grace of God
In my sobriety it is always important that I remember “There but for the grace of God, go I” especially when I think of where I came from as an active alcoholic and where I am now in sobriety.
Now, I am writing this post with some observations I have made recently regarding all the recovered alcoholics who are sharing their strength and hope on various social media. God bless them for their efforts. May they reach those suffering souls, just like I am trying to do, who need to hear their message.
In the wake of the death of the actor, Matthew Perry, it was interesting for me to find out he was an advocate for recovery from addiction. I had not known much about him until a lot of his interviews regarding recovery have come to light since he passed away. I had just happened to be on social media and I clicked a interview that he gave and that is how I came to about him and his efforts help suffering alcoholics and drug addicts. After I viewed the first interview I researched him to find many interviews that he had done regarding his struggles with addiction and recovery.
Since then I have been exposed to many many persons creating videos on social media advocating recovery from addiction. I praise these individuals for their efforts to help others with the same disease.
I know there are tons of recovery videos out there but I just wanted to point out one observation. In the 25 or so that I have viewed in the past week they have all shared valuable strength , hope and information that I have recieved from AA, treatment centers, books, etc. However, I didn’t find one that discussed the spiritual aspect . One video that I viewed mention that alcoholism is a disease of the mind, body and spirit but none of them expanded on the spiritual aspect.
I have thought about this and instead of wondering why I am going to make some posts and videos that stress the importance of the spiritual aspect of recovery. In my efforts to reach out to suffering alcoholics I have been fortunate to have made this website available, made my own videos on youtube and have written a book. I have not recieved much feedback on my efforts but have vowed to continue my efforts to reach out to others. I have to just remind myself that it is not about me but it is about the suffering addict that may run across a message that brings hope to their life. As they saying goes ” if it helps at least one person it is worth it.” I pray to God that it reaches many more.
So why post this. i just want to remind myself that without God my sobriety would not be possible. I want to remind myself to never shy away from the mentioning the spiritual aspect of recovery, with conviction, when speaking about my alcoholism. i will continue to post more on my spirituality in recovery.
Thanks for reading this post and if you have any feedback on this post or any others I greatly welcome that. If you know of a suffering alcoholic or one in early recovery that may be reached in some way please share this website or create your own so that the message of hope remains out there. May God bless you and your work.
Rough Times
As I approach 19 years of sobriety , I am sober only by the Grace of God. How grateful I am for finding my savior. It has been the toughest past year of my life. Losing my son in 2021 has just changed everything about me. Fortunately I have not had to take a drink. I sometimes wonder what would happen if I did, not often but sometimes. I thank God everyday for my sobriety and pledge along with his intervention to protect myself for the next twenty four hours ahead. I struggle in these times of grief and sometimes have a hard time just telling God I love him during my morning prayers. I say i love you but I always follow that promptly with a “but” I miss my son and want him back.. Hopefully time will allow me to just say to God, ” I love you” without any “buts”. So this message I want to convey is that God will get you through the rough times. It is not going to be easy as I am experiencing but I believe will happen through prayer and continued hard work. I am convinced that God’s will for me is to help others who are suffering from our disease of alcoholism. Let’s help our struggling fellow alcoholics any way we can and anytime without hesitation. Thank you for reading my posts and may God bless you!
Apologies
It has been a very long time since I have posted anything to this site. I have kept the site available for any new visitors who might be able to use any of the thoughts I have shared in previous posts. I am sorry I do not have a good reason to not post any new topics. I just have not felt well. So with that said I am going to try to get back on the ball. I want to help struggling alcoholics so badly and sometimes I feel like a I may not be making any difference in lives of people who are desperately seeking sobriety or those who need encouragement in early sobriety. I have asked God daily to direct me in a course of action. I want to do his will for me. I wish this to be my calling for the rest of my life, that is helping others. Accomplishing some work through divine intervention is what I should seek. Recognition should not be part of my work. I am going to try this with guidance from God.
I know I have posted an apology or two for not sharing on this site but hopefully that will change in the future. God bless you all.
Religion
I have mentioned in past posts that I am willing to go to any lengths to stay sober. I revealed that I have used AA, seen both psychologist and psychiatrist, medication, read books, written a book, set up this website, posted some Youtube videos on my journey of recovery, daily meditation and prayer and most importantly have developed a relationship with God and feel that I can reach out to him for guidance and direction anytime.
Today I would like to discuss another avenue that I am using to stay sober. I have included religion as part of my life. Now I know this is a delicate subject. I am 55 years old and with the exception of over the past year I was very closed minded about the subject. I basically shunned the idea of it have any possibility of improving my life. I didnt like the idea of people congregating and in my perception of so many claiming that their denomiation was right over all others.
Now, I have not been church going my whole life but have recently found that religion is bringing me closer to God. I have attended a handful of church services with my wife. I found that for the most part that if I listen very close to the subject being presented that I have been able to relate some part of it to my life. Not always, but more times than not. Much of the sermons were full of things I could not comprehend. Partly because I have not ever studied religion or made an attempt to do so.
These days I am being open to the concept. I have made a compromise in terms of how I worship. Not being comfortable around groups of people I have been tuning into religion being discussed on Sunday morning television. I have found two ministers whom I have been able follow and listen to their message from God. As the bible is being interpreted by them I am usually able to receive some sort of positive message that pertains to my life and this has been a very enlighting process that I am experiencing. Now I don’t understand the bible but I am trying to by listening to the ministries and with the help of my wonderful wife who helps interpret passages for me.
Now I am not saying that religion may be for you. If your like me I had such a limited experience with church and the gospel of the bible that I remained closed minded for all my life. All I am saying is that it is really having a impact on my beliefs and my way of living. For those of you reading this post it is up to you to decide if this is an avenue that you want to explore. Once again I opened my mind to the concept of religion because I want to be as strong as possible in my quest to remain sober everyday.
God bless you and lets pray for the still suffering alcoholic and that they may find a way to recovery.
Thanks for reading this post and as always I welcome any comments.
2020 Website Update: Moving Forward
I set up this site to be available to struggling alcoholics, and those newly in recovery, so that they may realize that there is hope for continued sobriety and hope for a different way of living. My intent is to discuss various topics related to my recovery. I wish to freely discuss my experience and hope so that perhaps at least one person can take away a positive message related to recovery so it may help them or someone they know who is struggling with alcohol addiction. My wish is that visitors offer a message of hope by providing feedback on each topic. I believe, together with God, we can make a difference in peoples lives who are suffering.
It has been months since I have published anything on this site and I do apologize. You see, after a couple of years of having this site up and running it has only generated one follower, whom I appreciate feedback from very much. This month happens to be the time for annual subscription renewal for this site. Statistics compiled shows that I get a fair number of visitors on a monthly basis. The cost to renew is minimal however I found myself questioning whether or not I should maintain this site. I have done a lot of praying about it and I feel God has revealed to me that it is important to move forward in my quest to reach out to the struggling or newly sober alcoholic that may run across this site and get some benefit from it. My wish is that it does just that and also reaches out to persons struggling with addiction in their families, in that it may give some insight on why alcoholics like myself behave the way we do when drinking and to show that there is hope for recovery . So I would like to try to be more diligent in posting new topics on a regular basis. It keeps me sober in doing so and by keeping the site up it may make a difference in a persons life even though i may not realize it and perhaps that is how it is meant to be.
In the past months before the holidays I created a channel on YouTube titled ‘Lets Stay Sober Together”. My intentions were to spin off of this site and discuss topics in a recorded or live venue. I only have received a handful of views and I haven’t “vlogged” for a couple of months now because of that. Here again is where God has let me know that a few views is better than no views. He has revealed that it is not important that I know how many persons I may be impacting rather that the importance of being available to those who are struggling. So I will move forward in that regard as well.
I really enjoy do this and if you would like to be a follower of this site that is great and if you don’t that is okay too. I am going to keep the site up and do my best to help others as well as myself.
In addition to the YouTube channel, I do have a dedicated email address — ( sobertopics@gmail.com ) — that is available to contact me if you wish to suggest future topics of discussion for this site or for YouTube or just to provide feedback. I would be grateful to hear from you. I still believe we can make a difference together in reaching out to alcoholics just like us. Thanks for reading this update and I will post a new topic soon. May God bless you as he has me.
Stop Stalling
This evening I had a flashback to the early 1990’s. It had to do with what I was doing with my life at the time. As I looked back I began to get sad, not a pity party per say, but just that I wasted a lot of my life during my drinking years. I started thinking of all the things I would have loved to do and wonder if they would have been possible had I not been an active alcoholic.
As a recovered alcoholic I have come to learn, with faith in God, that had to go through much turmoil in order to be where I am today, and today is a great place. I have a wonderful family and have enjoyed many new great memories over the last 16 years of sobriety. I wouldn’t change that for anything. Yet, I feel there is something lacking.
In an attempt to become more fulfilled I am going to make a list of things I would like to do with my life. This is not a “bucket list” but rather pushing myself to try new things. I am going to try to be realistic in making these choices as I know setting goals that are to lofty can be detrimental to my sobriety.
Last year I had the opportunity to share my story at a recovery hospital on a voluntary basis. I was asked if I could come by once a week to do so. I let fear enter my mind and my heart and I didn’t follow through. So, this year I would like to put out the same offer to other rehabilitation centers and see if I can overcome those fears and get out there and make a difference in the lives of suffering alcoholics. I may have blown my only chance but will continue to make new efforts. I believe in my heart that this is what God wants me to do with the remainder of my life.
I would like to write a complete song on the guitar with accompanying lyrics and record it for my own enjoyment. Now I am unfortunately not talented enough to join a band to play guitar or sing but it is always something I wanted to do. So writing and singing a song seems reasonable.
That is just two things I would like to begin doing. I will share updates in future posts and continue to push myself to do things with my life that are fulfilling. There is a song out there that refers to moving ahead with your life. I think I will start just that; getting a move on.
This post is very important and personal for me. I have to remember that the past cannot be changed. I have many regrets but I don’t have to dwell on them lest I am in danger of delving into self pity and getting closer to a drink. Instead I will continue my program of sobriety. Who knows, I might even become a dirt bike jumper.
I must remember that the “wasted years” as I refer to in my book are those in which I allowed my drinking to take a way my dreams. Some can no longer be accomplished but I suppose that is why I always have a chance to create new dreams. I pray that I can begin today. “Get Up Get Up Get a Move On–Stop Stalling” (Shinedown). I pray that I will stop stalling now.
I would sure like to hear any comments you would like to share on this topic or on what I posted. Together we can make a difference in the lives of fellow alcoholics. May God bless your life as he has mine.
Staying Sober Today
The New Year has just begun. In the past I would follow societal tradition and make year long resolutions that would slowly be broken or fall by the wayside. These days it is important that I do not do that personally. Goals are great to make but making those that may be unrealistic , for myself, result in frustration and a sense of failure . I have to guard against that very carefully,
To do so I choose to make just a daily resolution to stay sober at all costs. It involves a morning prayer in which I ask God for the strength to stay sober for the next 24 hours. I give thanks for that strength given and ask to God to allow me to feel I can reach out to him in any moment of temptation. This is not a concept I created but rather a proven means, by many recovered alcoholics before me are doing to stay sober themselves. That is, staying sober one day at a time.
There are temptations every where I look. From the barrage of commercials when watching TV. The constant existence of alcohol advertised in convenience stores and grocery stores.In addition, I am invited to various celebrations throughout the year where alcohol is consumed. For me I tend to stay away from these events. For those very important events that I do not miss I am fortunate to take my wife along with me. Not so much that I will have the temptation to drink but rather insurance just in case. I no longer have the obsession to drink and have been successful at tuning out the past but I am ever reminded myself that I am only moments or one bad decision from taking a drink again. I believe this to be true even though I have strong faith in God and a good support system in place. There is a monster inside of me just waiting to be released into the world of active alcoholism again. I pray that never happens to me or those in recovery.
Today is a new day, which is incidentally my birthday . I remind myself that on this very day, 17 years ago I made my most serious attempt at suicide. I was in a desperate state and made a decision to take many pills. Emergency Hemodialysis was treatment to save my life. Intervention from a dear friend that night and a miracle that God performed made it possible for me to live. I give my most sincere promise to God not to drink and to be as good a person as I can be. I am sure to give gratitude to God every morning for a second, of many chances at a new life, he has given me. I graciously and I am sure to give thanks in prayer. My promise to God is to be the best person I can be. My legacy, if you will, and my wish is to be remembered as being a good person, nothing more. If is can do that then I have had a successful life. In addition I ask God every morning to replace my fears, of helping other suffering alcoholics , with courage so that I may make a difference in other people’s lives even though I may not know it. God bless you journey.
Feel free to comment on my post and offer any suggestions on staying sober. Together we may be making a difference into a life of a suffering alcoholics life even though we may not realize it. May God bless you as he has me and please join me in making a daily resolution to stay sober and help others.
Being Thankful
I must always remember to give thanks to God, Family, Friends and a lot of good people along the way with regards to getting and staying sober over the years. However, first and foremost is giving thanks to God. I have been granted a second chance at life which I probably do not deserve. However, I am very grateful for it and give thanks to God every single day. In addition during prayer I ask that I do not waste the opportunity to be a good person as I go along in life.
Secondly I am very grateful to have family back in my life that I had once abandoned. I have seen wonderful things occur in their lives that I would have missed had I stayed the course as an active alcoholic, I am very grateful for this.
I have been blessed with having friends and good people along the way who save me from active addiction and have supported me through the daily life of sobriety. I give thanks for this as well.
The holiday season is upon jn in full swing. What a wonderful time as I give thanks for the celebration of God. I want to be the best person to others during this time and throughout the year.
I just wanted to briefly share what giving thanks to things has a very great meaning in my life. I hope it does for you. May you be blessed with thankfulness during this wonderful time of year.