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Staying Sober Today

Complacency

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I would like to revisit the topic of Complacency. For 14 + years of sobriety I followed a morning prayer and meditation to the tee. My prayer would always be for happiness, health, safety and security for family members and friends. My morning prayer would be done in a very quiet place. I would address all immediate family members in-depth with solitary prayers for each. I would also say general prayer for those family members whom I regularly do not have  contact with  on a frequent basis.  I find myself falling into  the realm of complacency, Instead of taking the time to sit in a quiet place for prayer I often do it while on the go. I have found myself shortening prayer for my convenience. Some might argue that some form of prayer is better than none but I feel it requires more attention than I am giving it. After all, for myself, that only amounts to about thirty minutes every morning. I want to get back to this and perhaps this revelation of my complacency will help me return to  my previous  contact with God and prayers for all in my life. I do feel a conscience contact with God throughout the day regarding prayer and direction so that, I believe , is good.

In addition, for the past 14+ years I had been reading meditation and reflection books every morning. This only consists of prayer and meditation for the day. A whopping three pages to read. Well, yesterday after an absence in reading I picked up my books, or shell of books with crumpled and withering  pages and duct tape holding the binding in place, and did some reading. To my  dismay I found that the last time I read was  back in May. That was quite a few months to lapse in my daily meditative reading. I can only explain this as a form of complacency regarding the topics of this discussion. I am not happy that I had a lapse in judgment but am glad that God reminded me of its importance as a daily part  of my life with regards to staying sober.

I am happy that I have gotten back on track and had t divine intervention making it possible to do so.  Had it not been realized then I could have treading on a dangerous path toward losing the protection of sobriety.  By the  grace of God I have recovered my commitment to daily prayer and meditation.

It works for me and so I must tread forward.

Complacency also came in the form of my willingness to help other suffering alcoholics and those in early recovery. It was not but several months ago this summer that I contacted several drug and alcohol treatment centers in my area, I was asking for an invitation, on a voluntary basis, to share my story with their patients. Of the emails that I sent out I got a positive response from one such treatment facility. It turns out that my email was received  and read by some of the directors of the program. I initially had offered to come by once a month. Upon a meeting with  them I was asked if I was available to share my story on a weekly basis. I agreed to do so and I was informed that I would be contacted by Human Services to cover some paperwork regarding confidentiality and such. I never was contacted and I did not follow-up. I believe to be in the state I was in this Summer with regards to being complacent. I am saddened by my choice to not follow-up on such a great opportunity. I strongly feel, after gone through the full cycle of addiction and recovery,that my story may be able to create hope for some individuals in early recovery.  The bottom line is that fear and complacency consumed me and for that I am disappointed in myself. Perhaps this realization too will help me to pass along ” a message” of hope. I pray daily for the courage to do so.

I am going to make a pledge to try to help others. I may have an opportunity to share my story in the coming weeks and I hope I have the courage to do so. Other than my book, I have never presented to a live audience. If Ican be so confident to say  that it is a shame. I have heard speakers in the past and they made a difference in my recovery, no matter how small, I pray that this opportunity comes again and that I may speak from the heart.

I hope my revelation of complacency shows, that no matter what your program is or length of sobriety, how easy it is to fall into a detrimental rut if you will. Thank your for reading and please feel free to comment on this topics or any others on this website. May God continue to intervene, so that I recognize  complacency, and   stay on track toward a positive recovery program., May God bless you as he has me.

You Can Do It

You Can Do It

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Many resolutions have been made in this New Year. Some going strong and others falling short. That’s ok.  because a new resolution can be started every new day. Say to yourself, I want to stop drinking  today. It can be done and you deserve it. If you are a suffering alcoholic who desperately wants to stop drinking I would like to share my struggles and the avenues to recovery that have helped me get sober and stay that way over the past 14 years.

I drank for 23 years and the all of that time I made bad choice after bad choice. I had wanted to get sober back in 1991 but did not. I knew my life was out of control by age 24 and I needed help. I checked into a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center but I  discharged myself the following day. That would be a pattern I  would follow in the years to come. Little did I know how the effects of drinking would negatively affect my life over the next 13 years.  It was the years of 2001-2003 that desperation settled in as I neared death from the affects of alcoholism.

I would like to briefly share my path that  got me sober and has helped me stay that way. It was always a dream as far back I can remember as an active alcoholic to stop drinking. As I posted before I longed for the day when I could say ” No thanks” or ” I don’t drink” with regards to being offered a drink.

From 2001 to 2003 I checked myself into 7 impatient rehabs and 5 outpatient rehabs. As I mentioned my pattern was to stay a short while and then to bail only to find myself buried in the bottle again.  These were rough times but it paid off when I stayed the full term at my final impatient rehab in 2003. There I made an honest effort to get and stay sober. I would meet a wonderful counselor who would change my life. What a blessing. My wish for you is that you never stop seeking assistance from rehab center until an impact be made upon you.

After rehab I attended Alcoholics Anonymous. as suggested, often attending two meetings a day . All I can say is try a meeting:  listen to others in the same boat as us. It helped me relate to others were sharing. I had to attend different meetings until I found one in which I could relate to the fellow alcoholics and get a positive message of hope from attending. All I can say is try it as it worked for me.

During this time I also sought medical attention for mental illness from a psychiatrist and found medication that assisted me . If you feel it may help you than go for it. Please do anything you have to do.  I also saw a physcotherapist who I could discuss what was going on in my life as well as sharing how was doing and feeling on a weekly basis.  You see I was desperate to stay sober. I knew going back to drinking would mean a certain death.

Some say that seeking Clergy for assistance in staying sober was helpful. I did not initially do that but later in sobriety I would attend church which gave me positive reinforcement and continued hope that everything was going to be ok.

Without the support of my family I may not have made it. They took me in, , during early recovery when I had nowhere to go and many of my family members would accept my amends when it was time for me to do so. Not all, but some. I had to  slowly try to gain their trust through my actions. I found that it worked for me and since have developed strong relationships with the family that I once abandoned during my active drinking years. Just another blessing.

Reading meditation books on a daily basis gave me a message of strength and hope that I could stay sober. I have read these books until the cover has worm off. and the pages have worn and crimpled It may work for you as well.

Lastly, and most important for me, was my renewed faith in God and daily prayer. You see,  for years I hated God for the allowing me to live the way I was living. It wasn’t until I got sober that  I realized God never abandoned me and I pray every day that I can be forgiven for my past actions in life. Daily prayer at beginning of my day as well as throughout has been of utmost importance for me. I t allows me to seek advice from God in order to use good judgement.  Most of my prayers get answered. Sometimes I like the answers to my prayers and sometimes they may go unanswered but rest assured I know it is what God determines what is best for me. and sometimes It gives me a feeling of a connection with God that I hope anyone can experience. I think this can be so for anyone.

Through these avenues I was able to get and stay sober to date. My wish in briefly sharing what I did to get sober may assist you. It is never to late to start your day over and make a resolution to seek a new way of life. The struggle for me was the most difficult of my life but I am grateful that God, Family and a lot of good people who never gave up on me.  Many good events have occurred in my life of sobriety as well as many bad events. As I have posted in prior blogs is that my way of thinking has changed and as a result I have not had to take a drink over the events in the last 14 years. My wish is that we never have to drink again and fall into the pit of despair. if you will

Thank your for reading this today and I hope it may offer an ounce of hope. I know you can get sober and find a life of peace. You are worth it and deserve it. Please fell free to share your struggles, life changing events and feelings or opinions of what I have shared in this blog today. It may make a difference in the life of a suffering alcoholic. I pray that it does. God Bless You!

 

 

 

Staying Sober Today

Daily Resolutions

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It’s the last day of the calendar year 2017 and many things have impacted my life. Some events not so good and others for the better. This past year has had visits with distant family and unfortunate deaths of close family members and friends. As I have often reiterated in previous posts, I did not have to take a drink over the good or the bad times. It’s by the Grace of God and  for that I am grateful.

As I reflect over the past year, and of my sober years previous, I have indeed seen growth in myself. I have been able to improve my conscience contact with God throughout the day with increased prayer. What a wonderful feeling to be able to reach out at anytime, no matter what is going on, and take just a minute to express thanks or ask for guidance over any particular issue at the time. This is a very strong force in my life now. Now as a newly sober person some 15 years ago I was not even close to having this relationship with God. It took time and dedication in prayer, I believe, to get where I am at mentally and spiritually these days. I know if it worked for me and  it can also happen for any alcoholic whether suffering, in early recovery or having been recovered from alcoholism.

Now there have been many instances over the past year that I needed improvement over. My personal relationships with family and friends could have been better and have occurred more often. I know that I have neglected some people and have distanced myself from others. This indeed is a character defect as they say. The acknowledgement of this however is positive. As a recovered alcoholic I should be “giving” in more of my actions than just seeing what is in it for me. I am going to work on being more emotionally available for some and give my utmost self to family and friends. I want to know that in some small way I am making a difference in someone’s life. I will make these resolutions on a daily basis in the coming year. I have heard it said and I think it is important to mention that for this alcoholic every day can be a new year’s day. You see I always have the opportunity to better myself the next day. Amends may have to be made and good living can be improved. So, for myself, I will not make a new year’s resolution based on the calendar year but rather make a new resolution every new day of the year. I  live one day at a time so it would not make sense for me to over extend  my abilities to be a good person by proclaiming unrealistic expectations for myself. My hope is that all alcoholics can live one day at a time and find their opportunities to be a better person. By the Grace of God I am willing and will try to do so for myself and people around me. It never hurts to be a good person to stranger or those that cross our paths from time to time as well. That will be my resolution for today.

I pray for those are suffering this holiday season. My wish is that they may find God and meet a lot of good people who may assist them in getting and staying sober. I am proof as well as all the other once suffering alcoholics who have now found a new way of living and thinking. What a blessing. For those suffering now it will take the hardest  work of your life, but you can do it. You are worth it. May God place sobriety into your life to.

Thank you for reading this post. Please feel to join in with your comments or life experience.  I believe it t could help save someones life. God bless you!

 

 

 

Staying Sober Today

Power of the Disease of Alcoholism

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October 31, 2017, ironically Halloween Day,  marked another year of sobriety for me. The monster inside me is still gratefully held prisoner by the Grace of God and my desire to remain sober. I don’t share this a celebratory event but rather a reminder that sobriety is  fragile and that any moment, without God, family and good friends it can fall prey to the monster just waiting to be released. My personal opinion, and that which I have heard said, is that if I relapsed into drinking again I would surely revert to the end stages of alcoholism I left behind. For myself, that meant I would be right back to where I left off drinking and to the horrible existence of a dying alcoholic. In addition to the mental obsession associated with drinking and the physical deterioration of my physical body would come my suicidal obsession. I vividly recall in detail the events of past attempts to kill myself. You see, I believe that I didn’t really want to die but I just could not see an end to the self-torture I was putting my mind through. A place I do not wish anybody to be in. As it is referred to as the” jumping off place” as written in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous. This state is where a suffering alcoholic cannot imagine living life with alcohol  any longer as well as not being to live with it anymore . Continuing on would lead to death, whether quickly or slowly, as has been proven by the many who did not survive the horrible disease of alcoholism. That’s right, for those not aware . Alcoholism is a Disease as proclaimed by the American Medical Association over 60 years ago. As it is described as a Disease of the Mind, Body and Spirit. For me that meant living with the 24/7 mental obsession of obtaining, planning and drinking alcohol to a state of drunkenness and blackouts every single day. It meant poisoning my body and suffering grave physical consequences, and most importantly shutting off God from my life. During my drinking days that meant not being able to stand an ounce of my being and a deep hatred for God for allowing me to live that way. Those days, even though I believed in God, my only wish was that God would allow me to die, every single day. I profanely cursed God every time I awoke each day for not allowing me to be dead. You see, I blamed everyone and everything for my  alcoholic existence. Today, after 14 years of sobriety, I have been blessed with another chance at life. The obsession to drink has been removed. My physical body has healed and I am no longer angry with God. Gratefully, my belief in God and continual communication through prayer, is the most important part of my life theses days. Without my regained faith I believe I would surely would be dead.  Once again, I share my thoughts with you today, not to celebrate but rather to show how fragile sobriety is. We must protect it at all cost, less we return toward certain death.

Lastly, I would like to share a dream that I had during my active alcoholism. You see I had wanted to become sober dating back to 1991. That is when my life had completely unraveled and my downward spiral of turmoil in my life increased. For the next 13 years of active drinking I always had a dream. That was to get sober and change my way of living. I longed for the day when I could, when offered a drink, say that ” I don’t drink anymore” or more simply “No thank you”. Gratefully, by the Grace of God, my dream has come true. I become more increasingly grateful for my sobriety and remarkable changes in my life, however I will never forget the life I left behind and how if not arrested could I would surely and quickly return to such and existence. Thank you so much, God. You see, ” I don’t have to live that way anymore” KN

In closing today,  I believe God can be, if is not already, the savior on your road to recovery and sobriety. May God bless you on your journey.

Please share any comments on this topic or any I have written in the past months. Together we may be able to assist and or save lives trapped in the depths of active alcoholism.

 

 

Staying Focused

Regaining Focus

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I have really myself  losing focus, over the past month, on the importance of maintaining my most spiritual  practices; foremost daily prayer and meditation. For nearly 12 3/4 years of sobriety I can confidentially say that I hadn’t missed a day of prayer and meditation. As I have mentioned in previous posts, this is so important in my daily life of sobriety. I looked forward to it every morning by finding a quiet place in my home for deep prayer and reading. It was and will again continue to be my first action of the day. However, this past month I have been very neglectful in this area. I must admit to having missed more than at least five days of prayer over the past month. I have no excuses except to say I have placed other activities first in the beginning my day first.

The primary focus for writing my book, and starting a website with a blog on this site and another, was to reach out to suffering alcoholics to show that there is hope for a better life. Over the last month I have been preoccupied with seeing if I have followers on my sites as well as any comments. I have wondered if my book sales have reached out to suffering alcoholics and their families, or not. I am coming to the realization that I may never know. I feel reaching out to help is my calling and am going to continue my quest. I have to remember not to seek personal recognition for it is not I who am doing all the work. It is God.  I have been back on focus over the last week, with regards to daily prayer, so I do not lose focus on its importance in my life. I thank God for this awakening for it could have been a real endangerment to that which most importantly keeps me sober on a daily basis.  It has been said that ” God is doing for me what I could not do for myself”. I believe this and feel very blessed.

In addition, I will try blog more frequently as my hope  that this site and others will gain followers so that comments/discussions may help a suffering alcoholic seek sober way of life. May God continue to send blessings your way.