In the past month or so I have had a wonderful and fulfilling addition to my daily prayer and communion with God. My wife has been joining me every morning ,before she gets ready for work,  in my daily readings as well as saying  my St. Francis de Sales prayer and Serenity Prayer. I am not sure if I mentioned this in an earlier post but i like to read a page out of three different alcohol recovery books. Two endorsed by AA and another written by a recovery center. In addition we read affirmations together. In reading with my wife has said she is gaining a better insight into the inner thoughts of my alcoholic mind as I attempt to discuss how the readings relate to my past and current behaviors . I am glad because if I ever were to head toward temptation she may be there for me as an initial interventionist advising me to call an alcoholic friend or get to an AA meeting quickly. Now my wife is not an alcoholic but is a Christian by faith and can relate to my strong faith and believer in God as my savior from the terrible disease of alcoholism. Our believe our time together each morning is strengthening our relationship as importantly as adding  additional arsenal to my existing recovery program. In my opinion it just goes to show how God is further working in my life daily to help me defend against drinking. Let’s stay sober together today. God bless you.

Once again here in recent months I have found myself leaving my defenses down against my disease. In a previous post I indicated how I always say to myself, ” I don’t have to live that way anymore” whenever I am around or in the presence of alcohol. Well at a minor league baseball game the other day, with my wife, the presence of beer was being purchased and consumed all around me. The next morning I spoke with my wife about what I had experienced. You see I found myself observing the people and their drinks. I watched as some consumed several and others who just held their drink without hardly taking a swallow. Some complained about the $10 per cup cost as  I thought to myself, no big deal, because i would have probably spent a $100 on 10 cups without thinking twice.This was not good. The danger for me was that I spent a little too much time observing and for a brief moment I had what i believe was euphoric recall of the smell and the sensation alcohol had provided me in my early drinking years. I must have gotten distracted because luckily I don’t recall that only lasting for a second or two. The point that I want to make here is that no matter how long I have been sober.  I had better remember how  sick alcohol had made toward the end of my drinking days.  Foremost. I should have prayed that,  for any thoughts regarding alcohol be removed from my thinking. I have heard it said that when dangerous thoughts about the pleasure of drinking enter my mind I should always “rewind to my last days of drinking” to remember how ill and close to death I was. In addition , for myself, I should always remember to say ” I don’t have to live that way anymore” I must do this to protect my sobriety and my life. Now I will be attending another game in the near future ,with family, and I am going to remind myself prior to going of what I felt at the last game and how I need to put my defenses in place.  I hope that you are able to find what defenses work for you or perhaps use the ones I use.  May God bless you with sobriety each day.

In an  earlier blog,  “Temptation”, I mentioned the importance I try to place on avoiding slippery places: the places that involve alcohol in some manner. Well, I am very good about identifying those places and avoiding them but I  sometimes make mistakes which could be detrimental to my sobriety.  Just the other day , against my better judgement found myself in two situations I should have avoided. The first being a grocery store that I do not frequent that often. I was looking for soda and in this store it happened to be in the aisle with alcohol. Instead of just avoiding the aisle, like my gut told me,  I entered the area anyway. As minor as that may sound I must always remember that the protection against drinking should always be of most importance.

Now I want to share a very poor decision that I made just the other day. I went to a local  family restaurant to place a “to go” order for lunch.  As I approached the to go area I was soon greeted by a young woman who said she would take my order at the bar when I was ready. My first thought was to say I would like to place my order here at the counter but I did not. Instead I approached the bar and had a seat. My order was taken and she gave me  a soda to drink. Now  I didn’t have any thought about drinking, as  I watched the overhead TV. However the danger was in that this used to be the same chain variety restaurant and bar the I would frequent in my darkest days of drinking. I usually found myself opening the bar at 11 am and being drunk by noontime while holding back tears from despair over my life. As I stated in my book, ” I was an alcoholic on display on any given bar stool.” This could have been  devastating,  In addition I did not even pray to God for his protection nor did I remind my self that ” I don’t have to live that way anymore” , with regards to my drinking lifestyle, as I always do when alcohol is in my sight. You see, I was blinded by the power of my disease. I must not make this mistake ever again. Even though I did not pray at the bar I now God was with me.   God saved me that day but I must always remember to do my part of avoiding those “slippery places” at all  cost. If I don’t my sobriety could be in jeopardy. Thanks for reading my blog. May God bless you always.

Unfortunately, for the  active alcoholic and those recovered and in recovery, temptations exists all around us on a daily basis.  There are the liquor stores with their fancy dressed bottles, the grocery stores with their large refrigerated alcohol aisles, the convenient stores with their neon beer signs and music and sporting venues serving alcohol, just to name a few. I can remember my trip home from the last rehab stay. The van transporting me home stopped at a store for sodas and snacks. As I walked in the first thing that caught my attention were the bright neon signs advertising beer. I was scared to death, but because i was with other alcoholics leaving rehab i was able to buy a soda and return to the van. In early recovery I found myself testing myself against drinking by walking down the beer isle at the grocery store. i was also foolish enough to enter a liquor store to buy a lotto ticket. Lastly, while in recovery I actually purchased beer for friends finding myself holding the six pack in my hand. Very slippery encounters that I should have avoided at all costs. I have learned over the years that such behavior has to be avoided at all costs. I do not go down the beer or wine isles at the store nor do i dare walk into a liquor store. Today I know that in any hour of temptation I can reach out to God in communion and ask him to remove those thoughts at once. My prayers go answered  and I live sober for another day. These days, temptation rarely enters my thoughts. If they ever do I pray to God for them to be dispelled immediately and say to myself that ” I don’t have to live that way anymore.”  May your mind be free of temptation. God Bless.