Category Archives: My Alcoholic Chronicle: Part 1

My Alcoholic Chronicle: Part 1

My Alcoholic Years: Part 3 of 5

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The heavy drinking years were chronicled by personal destruction, debauchery and suicidal obsession. From the ages of 24 to 37  I would progress from daily drinking to the “jumping off place” That is described as the place where one cannot imagine life with alcohol any longer and can’t  imagine life without alcohol as well. A terrible predicament to be in. Something I do not wish upon anyone.

By the time I had finished college at the age of 24 I knew I was in trouble. My drinking was out of control. I was feeling the effects of hangovers on my body and I began to have blackouts. Both of these took a toll on my mental state as well. At this time I checked into a rehab center knowing I had stop drinking. I did not stay there and so the  heavy drinking years began. The years would be spent drinking to oblivion every day and night. If I was not  jumping from job to job I was hanging out in strip clubs and avoiding all family responsibilities. I began to fall into the depths of depression and paranoia.

I once tallied over 25 times in some form of treatment for alcoholism. I was admitted 7 impatient rehab centers for alcoholism and 5 outpatient rehabs in attempts to stop drinking. My stays there would be followed by immediate drinking again upon completing or not completing my stays. I found myself in hospital emergency rooms, detox centers, jail and mental institutions. I was not  crazy but my actions were.

The final years were characterized as suicidal times. If I was not attempting suicide I was dreaming  about it to the point of obsession. I wanted to die and live at the same time. I still believed in God but was very angry with him for what my existence had become. I begged to be allowed to die and would wake every moment with anger in my heart for not being so. This is how I lived for the last years of heavy drinking.

During the whole time I was drinking all the way back to the beginning of the heavy years I can remember often dreaming of how my life would be without alcohol. I recall imagining what it would be like to say “no thank you” to the offer of a drink.

In any case my life was what it was, I survived somehow and for that I am grateful. I will continue soon with how my life changed an alcohol became a thing of my past. God Bless those who have recovered and   I am praying that those still suffering from alcohol-may they find a way out soon from such a horrible state.

Please feel free to comment on this post and contribute in the event that suffering alcoholics looking for a way out or families of alcoholics might read these posts to gain insight and what steps can be taken towards recovery. Thank You.

 

My Alcoholic Chronicle: Part 1

My Alcoholic Years: Part 2 of 5

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High School Years:

I have described in detail the exact place that I took my first drink at age 14. I know what car I was in, who was riding in the vehicle and what intersection we passed through when that drink occurred. Later that night I passed out from drunkenness. This would be to familiar an experience throughout my drinking over the next 23 years. I believe  I was an alcoholic from the start, in waiting, if you will.

From an early age my Dad had been grooming me to be a professional golfer. I had become pretty good at the game and garnered a lot of attention and some success. I didn’t really care for the game but my Dad pushed me. I would continue to compete for some years into my adulthood. I can recall in high school sharing a bottle of Thunderbird during daily practice. We would just hide it from the coach. Every tournament we went to was a drunken affair. Always separating ourselves from the coach in  which rooms we stayed  in. We would party and one instance I broke my thumb in a motel room wrestling match and had to withdraw from the event.  In the van with the coach drive were even so bold as to sneak in a drink on the ride home You see, alcohol took precedent over everything for me.

My early school years consisted of getting drunk on the weekends and escalating to getting drunk any day I could. We would even sneak in a drink during our lunch break at the local restaurant before returning  to 5th period English class. The drinking age was 18 years old and we usually to get alcohol with no problem. I managed to skid through high school and graduate. Didn’t have good grades and didn’t score well on any tests.

You might ask how I did all this drinking. I had part-time jobs and would come in late to the motel. I had no rules or curfews. My dad  did the best he could at the time. I realize that now. I have no ill will toward him, He has since passed but I was able to reconcile any differences with him before that. I will discuss that further when I write about my sober years soon.

That is just a  few examples of how I lived during my high school years. I was an alcoholic early on and the progression that occurred as I grew older could only be described as nightmarish.

As always thank you for reading. Please feel free to subscribe to this site and comment on any posts or contribute to them as well. Together let’s make a difference in alcoholic’s lives from those still suffering to those in sobriety. God bless you.

My Alcoholic Chronicle: Part 1

My Alcoholic Years: Series 1 of 5

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These next five posts, over the coming days and weeks, will be a series of  abbreviated  chronicles of my alcoholic life, how I got sober and how I am staying sober some 14 1/2 years later. They will be titled to corresponding segments of my life– childhood years, school years, heavy drinking, early recovery and present sobriety years .

Before beginning I would like to apologize for not contributing to this site in some time. It should be a reminder to  me that complacency  is so easy to take over. I am just glad I can recognize that and try to get back into some action of recovery.

The Childhood Years:

One thing that I have learned over time with  the benefit of some personal counseling and a few years of sobriety is that, as a small child, referring to my preteen years, I really had no control over my living environment or some horrible events that occurred. Where some children may have the ability to change their environment I lacked the courage to do so.  In any case my experiences where as they were.

I lived with an alcoholic father in my youth and watched him drink to the point of utter illness until he would have to be hospitalized. He binge drank  that way numerous times per year. I can recall having to find someone to get him alcohol when he was incapacitated. I was taught early on that sudden  withdrawal from alcohol could kill you. This terrified me as a child. My mother, who was divorced from my father was usually my savior in these times once I informed her my father was drinking again. Other times I just rode out the events of my fathers binge. I was young and afraid. You might ask what my mother was doing to allow me to live with my father under those conditions. At that time she had remarried and lived with an alcoholic herself with that household being detrimental as well. In any case I managed to get by.

I would just describe myself as a very timid and shy child on the outside when in actuality I was screaming in fear on the inside.

I started drinking at the age of 14. I will discuss this more in the next series titled the School Years. I just wanted to mention that to let you know that in early childhood I had not begun yet.

Thank you for reading today. Please feel free to comment on this post and share your experiences in order for the suffering alcoholics out there reading may realize that many of us may have shared similar events in our lives. As always feel free to also comment on any past post made on this site. Together let’s make a difference. God Bless You.