Category Archives: Courage and Strength

Courage and Strength

Holiday Joy

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Spending time with my family over the Christmas holiday is a very special time for me in sobriety. I live 1500 miles apart from my sons and grandchildren so seeing them is the highlight of my year. However, that was not always the case. For most of my drinking years I only lived less than 40 miles away.  I would somehow, intoxicated no less, try to see them over Christmas, forgetting what the holiday really celebrated, and try to give them gifts that I could not afford in attempts to make up for all the lost times when I choose the bottle over picking them up for a weekend stay or just taken them down to the park.  Over the years  my only thoughts were how soon and frequent I could get alcohol down my throat rather than caring for my young children. I could only be described as nothing less than a deadbeat and very selfish person.

The last thirteen years of sobriety have been a work in progress in terms of rebuilding relationships with my children and family members. I have made sincere amends with those I wronged in the past and hopefully they have been accepted. These days I talk to my sons often even though we are still many miles away from each other.  I have a good relationship with there mother. Incidentally she was the only person there for me when I was near death as a suicidal alcoholic even though our past relationship was very volitile and destructive because of me. I will not forget that. I know she was there for the sake of my sons and I am eternally grateful.

Why am I telling you all of this? I want those alcoholics that are suffering from the disease, those in early recovery and even those with a few years under their belt may see that you can make up, to some degree, the irresponsible, destructive  behavior and mistakes of the past that may be plaguing you. I say make a sincere promise to get and stay sober so relationships can be mended. Let God lead you to a different and wonderful life filled with happiness and joy.

I have also shared this post with you for my  own selfish reasons. It is very important that when I recall the past I must realize that I was sick however I am just one drink from becoming that person again. I must guard taking that drink with my life.

God willing I hope that I can spend many more years with my family. For those who celebrate Christmas, and for those who don’t,  may God bless you over the holiday season.

Courage and Strength

Being Grateful

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Well, I made it to my 13th year of sobriety on Halloween Day of this year. There lives a monster inside me just waiting for me to return to my old life of active alcoholism.  I ask God on a daily basis to prevent it from ever being  be released . A dear friend also hit his 13th year earlier in October. I say this not to boast as a celebration but rather as hope that anyone can see that achieving sobriety is possible if they truly desire it. In most cases one must  hit their own rock bottom, whatever that may be, in order to want change. With faith in God anything is possible.  Now it will take a lot of work on one’s behalf to get and stay sober but it can be done. It has been proven over and over again by more than a million  persons who have achieved sobriety. There will be many challenges  early on and  perhaps having the urge to take a drink. We must always remember, at it has been said over and over again,  we are all just one drink away from a drunk. I reiterate that asking God to grant you another day of sobriety each morning is strong protection against taking that first drink and always being grateful for that opportunity is important. In previous blogs I have mentioned that I do so by engaging God through prayer and meditation ( for myself that consists of reading from alcohol recovery related books) each morning upon the start of the day. My prayer consists of asking for health, happiness and safety for my friends and family as well as thanking God for my sobriety with special emphasis on being grateful that I was given another chance at life. The gift of sobriety is one I have not right to give back to God. For me it  is my protection against temptation that day. For those in early sobriety I pray that you continue on your path of recovery and find what works for you on a daily basis to protect you over the next 24 hours. Promise yourself that you will do so and if necessary promise yourself that you can stay sober for any amount of time with prayer in between to make it from promise to promise . Do what ever it takes because you are worth it. For those seeking recovery right now I pray that you find God for the strength for begin the journey of sobriety. Be open to reviving spirituality in your life and I know good things will come to you in recovery. You are also worth it. May God bless everyone on their journey.

Thank you for letting me share my thoughts today. Feel free to comment about my blog. My hope is for it to become interactive. I simply want to share my experiences to help other alcoholics and if we all share together that gives the suffering alcoholic and those in recovery the ability to develop a strong arsenal against ever taking another drink. Feel free to comment on any of my previous blog post as well.

 

 

Courage and Strength

God, Give me Courage

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Well I made it to my annual rehab reunion. Unfortunately I underestimated the time to get there and I arrived an hour and a half late. missing the opportunity to hear some recovered alcoholics share their joys of sobriety, which I had so wanted to hear.  It had been 10 years since I last attended. The main purpose of going was to see my counselor who means so much to me. She showed me compassion and understanding at the lowest point of my life; my rock bottom. When I arrived my wife and nephew proceeded to the pavilion were the activities were occurring. I scoured the area looking for my counselor but didn’t spot her. My wife asked me if I saw anyone I recognized and I replied “unfortunately not”. As we wandered around we made our way to a registration table to sign in a get a very nice t-shirt exclaiming the event. I asked one of the staff members if my counselor was attending and she pointed me to a lady sitting not far away. I looked over and there she was.  Her hair had grown longer but her wonderful smile had not changed. We slowly made our way over to her and when we made contact our eyes lit up. We embraced each other tightly and an introduction was made for my wife. It was a very happy moment I will not forget. The musical band in the background was playing loudly so we didn’t get to talk much.

Now here is one of the main reasons I am posting this. She kindly asked me if I was going to  speak to the attendees, sharing my experience as an alcoholic, what happened, and the joys of sobriety. I had suggested, with a nod of my head, that I would speak.  I then looked at my wife and asked her if she wanted to have the  BBQ lunch being served. As I parted ways with my counselor I said I would catch up with her later. You see, For some reason I  became scared of having to speak in front of people. Weeks prior I had promised myself that I would speak, wanting  the opportunity, and was looking forward to it. Unfortunately when it came down to it I panicked. In the past at, at a prior employer, I had to speak in front of an audience of more than a hundred people on a weekly basis so this should have been no reason to feel as I did. Instead I used the excuse to have lunch first as I had done 10 years ago when she had asked me to speak. After lunch it is customary to have speakers share the experiences.  One person of sixteen years sobriety took the honor of doing so. As I listened I became upset that I had missed an opportunity to speak  earlier in the day when I was late. After the speaker was done the person guiding the activities indicated that the reunion  would wind down. Had I had the courage I could have asked my counselor if I could speak or I simply could have stood up and asked if I could share. A request as such would have been welcomed. But I did not. Upset and relieved at the same time I made my way to my counselor to say goodbye. We hugged and she  gave me praise for my book I had written and proudly announced to her fellow colleagues that I had written such.  On the way home I was so upset with myself for not volunteering to speak. I feel that I had a powerful message to share.  My wife told me that it was just not my time and that God would have me speak when I was ready.  As I beat myself up  in disappointment about the whole thing I realized that perhaps the reason I did not speak was because I had rehearsed what I wanted to say for a week before the reunion. It has been said that a person who speaks from the heart will reach more people that the person who delivers the well polished speech.

This is a long-winded post but the point is I should jump at any opportunity to reach out to the suffering alcoholic with no intent of delivering an executed speech but rather to just be myself and share my story as it occurred. The beauty  is that there is no right or wrong way of sharing. Going forward I will attend next years reunion and ask, in advance of the event, if I can share my story with the audience. I am going to pray to God for the strength and courage to do so. It is just further protection to maintain my sobriety and to try and help suffering alcoholics find there way.  May you always have strength and courage. God bless you.