Even though I have not had a drink in over twelve years, my past wants to creep into my mind on occasions. When those thoughts creep up the guilt and shame of my past behavior, during my drinking years, can be very powerful. What I do to deal with them is to look up to God and pray that they be removed from my thinking. It works for me. I came to realize that I could not change that past but rather take responsibility for my actions and make amends where possible so I could move on.
Now you hear me speak a lot about God and how prayer is so important to me. I am not preaching, rather showing the importance of faith in my life. There are several reasons for this. For many years my belief was that I was being punished for my way of living. I used to look up every night and beg God to let me “die.” When I would wake in the morning, with a shameful mind and trembling body, I had nothing but anger growing in my mind because I had to live another dreadful day. Now once i became sober, and my mind began to heal, I was slowly regaining faith in God. I came to believe that God was with me all along regardless of my denial of his caring. After all I had tried to stop drinking on my own over a thousand times from 1991 to 2003. I could not do it on my own. I found out that it has nothing to do with ” willpower” otherwise I would have gotten sober years ago on my own. It was by regaining my faith and by the grace of God that I was given, many chances to live a better life. For that i am so grateful. My wish is that your heart can be filled with God’s love as well.
