Some time ago before I got and stayed sober, I was sitting in on a session at rehab discussing the first step of Alcoholics Anonymous. The gentleman, who I grew fondly of and respect very much, was discussing the “Sunlight of the Spirit” and how important it was to be a part of that realm, if you will. The conversation, in summary, was that if an active alcoholic wants to stop drinking he must allow God in his life. Now I suppose one could argue that a person could drink and still have God in their life. There are probably arguments for both sides. At the time I was on the “other side of the fence, away from having God in my life

The purpose of this reflection, more importantly, is to show in some detail, my state of mind before sobriety. I recall raising my hand to be allowed to comment on the subject of “Sunlight of the Spirit”. This action was not like me at all. I usually hid in the back of the room in silence, with no opinion one way or the other, as I had lived my entire life. Something that day had me in the middle of the room, with over approximately 100 other patients in attendance.

I now believe it to be divine intervention. When called upon by the counselor, who incidentally volunteered at the rehab and was a world acclaimed speaker on the topic of Alcoholism, I indicated I was “on the fence” in terms of drinking and wanting to stop drinking. I mentioned that I believed in God but that I was not sure he was the path to me getting and staying sober. After making my comment, the counselor, in a very direct and matter of factly tone, indicated that it would be best to get on the side of the Spirit, less die an alcoholic death. I did not immediately accept this direction, but the seed was plated for the second time in my life.

You see I had been at a previous rehab some two years prior where a volunteer speaker stated, “I had better find god or else,” referring to acquiring sobriety. I recall thinking to myself , who does this person think they are making such a statement. The gentleman, 80 plus years old and a recovered alcoholic, sporting dark died black hair, kindly asked at the end of the discussion to for us to comment on the topic. I recall commenting, “stop preaching”, on the comment card. The following week this gentleman was the guest speaker again. He started the meeting by saying that in over 40 years of speaking he had never received such a comment. I remembered he apologized for his comments about inflicting the belief that God was the most important avenue towards acquiring sobriety. I could tell he was deeply hurt that someone would think that of him. I ducked my head, and with a cocky smile, as a fellow rehabber stared back at me. You see, most everyone there, over 50 patients, knew I had made the comment as I had spent the week spreading my opinion stating, “who does this man think he his imposing God on me”. Well today, I still regret that comment and the effect it had on him. He was just trying to help, and I made a fool of myself. He may no longer be around, but I wish I could apologize to him. I know it was God who is responsible for me getting sober and staying sober. I do believe God had me in those meetings with both the gentlemen speakers so that the seed was planted to believe and trust him, referring to believing in God.

So, I guess the main point I am making is that there are many persons who have gone before me in sobriety who know that God is responsible for the miracle of getting one sober. I believe he just does it when you are ready. For me that meant heavy drinking and destruction for two more years. I am eternally grateful to have God in my life today and would like to express the highest amount of gratitude toward those men who impacted my life, even though t I did not know it or would accept it at that time I was an active alcoholic.

I hope that the statement “You had better find God or else” plants the seed that only with God can you get and stay sober. This is my strong conviction today and I am eternally grateful that God put those men in my life, even though I had no respect for them at the time. Thank you, God. May you be blessed with the gift of sobriety as well.