Monthly Archives: July 2018

Staying Sober Today

My Alcoholic Years: Part 5 of 5

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The Sober years for me can only be a blessing from God. After 23 years of suffering and attempting to get sober, God saw it fit to grant me a new lease on life. I do not feel like I deserve it but I do give thanks everyday for it.

There  have been many great things happen in my life that sobriety has given to me. I could create a very long list but I will summarize and point out some wonderful highlights.

The first being accepting and grateful of God in my life. Conscience contact on a throughout the day allows me to make a promise that I will make the effort and do the work required to stay sober for the day and 24 hours ahead. Secondly, has been my opportunity to make genuine amends to family members. For the most part my amends were accepted and some were not. I can only pray that those persons I hurt can be healed in the future. My children have said things are good between us but I wonder if my absences in their lives growing up has really been healed. I can only pray and do right by them now and ahead.

Many more great things have happened. My grandchildren have been born and by the grace of God have never had to seen me take a drink.  I am married to a wonderful woman. I am no longer suffering and had the tattoo, bearing thses  letters, S U F F E R  I N G, that were inked on my forearm, covered up.  In addition I was able to change my way of thinking and the people and places I hung around. Just t name a few.

I do feel obligated to mention some hardships that have occurred during sobriety. There was difficulty trying to pick up the pieces and move forward in early sobriety; i.e. loss of employment, home and money to name a few. Insignificant in many ways but still were an important means of daily survival.  There have been loss of close family members and those  lost to the powerful grip of addiction.

Many more good things and bad have occurred but I understand that is part of life. One day I to will be gone of this earth but for now I am trying very hard to be a good person. I pray that I can leave that legacy. I also pray that this website and first book written can have an impact on the lives of those suffering as well as those in recovery and who have recovered from the disease of alcoholism.

With regards to my past alcoholic past, ” I don’t have to live that way anymore” and I am eternally grateful for that. I pray that you no longer have to live that way either. May God bless you on your journey of sobriety.

This completes the 5 part  series on “My Alcoholic Years” and I hope it has given some insight on my struggles and how ones life can truly be changed by God as well as lot of good people along the way.

Please feel free to comment on this post or any that I have written on. With your participation we may be able to save lives. Who knows there may be people out there we have helped and don’t even know it. Lets pray that it may be true. God bless you.

Staying Sober Today

My Alcoholic Years: Part 4 of 5

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In this series I would like to share what finally happened as a result of 23 years of destructive drinking. Simply put, I was beat. It seemed like alcohol had won the battle and I was doomed for a slow death.

I recall laying in a hospital bed of a mental institution I was admitted to after a suicide attempt . I had been there before so I was all to familiar with my surroundings. Earlier in the day my counselor informed me that I had exhausted my options in terms of treatment there and at previous rehab facilities I had been admitted to. They had informed him that I was not welcome back because of my lack of following the program and of my distracting behavior there with counselors and patients alike. So with all that said I lay on that bed counting ceiling tiles all afternoon wondering what was to become of me. Scared to death, is all I could describe my feelings as.

The next day a blessing would come my way. The counselor found a rehab in a small North Texas town. Apparently he convinced my insurance company to cover yet another stay at rehab. Upon hearing the news I was relieved of my fear. I did not know it at the time but Devine Intervention was picking me up from despair. By this blessing I began to surrender to the fact that perhaps I could go to this facility and stop drinking. to be honest I was looking for a quick fix. I would soon learn the commitment and work it would take to  begin the road of sobriety.

I attended the program from the start. I had previously allowed the facility to pick me up and transport me to the rehab facility. Previous stays would find me taking my own vehicle in case I had to bail, so to speak , to find my next drink.

Well as fate would have it I fell into the program and followed all instructions. I began to learn more about myself and felt there was a glimmer of hope for recovery from alcoholism. It was there that I met a wonderful counselor who would change my life and way of thinking. I am forever in debt for her participation in my recovery. I truly believe she was a gift from heaven. At the same time another patient there had befriended me and we went to the program together. We shared the ups and downs of our stay there. I could not of done it without his friendship. We stay in touched and have both  been recovered from alcoholism for some years now.

Upon my release after some 35 days I was fortunate to attend an outpatient treatment for the next six weeks. All was not great though as I was surrounded by temptation to drink as I was now exposed to it at what seemed at every turn, I wanted sobriety so bad but was weary. I recall stating to a counselor there that if I could not stay sober this would be my last attempt. I stated I would accept a slow death rather that participate in more recovery attempts. It was other alcoholics there who encouraged me to think otherwise as so it worked. It was Devine Intervention all along.

That is what happened in terms of my beginning years of sobriety. I would participate in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous for several years and a good foundation for recovery was put in place.

By the grace of God I was able to get sober and so far after 15 years stay sober. It has taken a lot of work and conscience contact throughout the day with God. It began with the acceptance that God would get me through the good and bad times and then grew into daily communication with him. God, family and a lot of good people along the way have been my saviors. I am eternally grateful.

In the next and final part of the series I will discuss the beauty of sobriety as well as some of my struggles.

Thank you for reading and please feel free to comment on this topic and others. It may help save the life of one of our struggling brothers out there still bound by the chains of addiction. May God bless you and those still suffering.

My Alcoholic Chronicle: Part 1

My Alcoholic Years: Part 3 of 5

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The heavy drinking years were chronicled by personal destruction, debauchery and suicidal obsession. From the ages of 24 to 37  I would progress from daily drinking to the “jumping off place” That is described as the place where one cannot imagine life with alcohol any longer and can’t  imagine life without alcohol as well. A terrible predicament to be in. Something I do not wish upon anyone.

By the time I had finished college at the age of 24 I knew I was in trouble. My drinking was out of control. I was feeling the effects of hangovers on my body and I began to have blackouts. Both of these took a toll on my mental state as well. At this time I checked into a rehab center knowing I had stop drinking. I did not stay there and so the  heavy drinking years began. The years would be spent drinking to oblivion every day and night. If I was not  jumping from job to job I was hanging out in strip clubs and avoiding all family responsibilities. I began to fall into the depths of depression and paranoia.

I once tallied over 25 times in some form of treatment for alcoholism. I was admitted 7 impatient rehab centers for alcoholism and 5 outpatient rehabs in attempts to stop drinking. My stays there would be followed by immediate drinking again upon completing or not completing my stays. I found myself in hospital emergency rooms, detox centers, jail and mental institutions. I was not  crazy but my actions were.

The final years were characterized as suicidal times. If I was not attempting suicide I was dreaming  about it to the point of obsession. I wanted to die and live at the same time. I still believed in God but was very angry with him for what my existence had become. I begged to be allowed to die and would wake every moment with anger in my heart for not being so. This is how I lived for the last years of heavy drinking.

During the whole time I was drinking all the way back to the beginning of the heavy years I can remember often dreaming of how my life would be without alcohol. I recall imagining what it would be like to say “no thank you” to the offer of a drink.

In any case my life was what it was, I survived somehow and for that I am grateful. I will continue soon with how my life changed an alcohol became a thing of my past. God Bless those who have recovered and   I am praying that those still suffering from alcohol-may they find a way out soon from such a horrible state.

Please feel free to comment on this post and contribute in the event that suffering alcoholics looking for a way out or families of alcoholics might read these posts to gain insight and what steps can be taken towards recovery. Thank You.