Monthly Archives: June 2017

The Good Times

The Good Times

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Every now and again I might be asked, by someone who knows I am a recovered alcoholic, if I miss the good old days of drinking. My answer is “no”. The first time I ever took a drink, at age 14,  found me drunk later that night until I passed out after laying in a friends front yard. For me, I feel that symptoms of alcoholism had begun right away. Not to say that I didn’t have a drinking session that where I felt good and stopped before getting obliterated. There were a few of those times but more so times when my symptoms off being an alcoholic where present.

I have heard it said, that when a person day dreams about the good times of the past, that they should not rewind to those moments but better to play the tape of your life to the point when your life began to fall apart due to drinking. Remember the shakes in the morning after drinking and the terrible headaches;the urinated sheets and clothing; the empty wallet; the blackouts; feeling of guilt and shame associated with drinking; the loss of job; loss of spouse; loss of home; trips to the emergency rooms;stays in rehab; suicidal thoughts and/or attempts: loneliness: paranoia; loss of dreams; trouble with the law; just to name a few.

For myself it is paramount that I remember the horrible times of my drinking years. Inn doing so I feel it keeps me grounded in my daily effort to stay sober. I will always suffer from alcoholism and must remember that if I take a drink the likelihood of having a good time is slim to none. So from time I must replay the tape of my life and rewind to the point where drinking left me prey to the disease. I truly that for me it was when I took that first drink at age 14. The consequences of drinking as an adult came later but was all part of the progression of alcoholism.

I hope is that this post helps suffering alcoholics and those in recovery that we must not forget where we were when problems from drinking began. Always rewind the tape of your life to that point so you can see where you were at and where you are now. I strongly feel with faith in God and a good recovery in place that it will allow you to stay on track on this wonderful journey of sobriety.

May God bless you and your recovery efforts on a daily basis. I hope you keep faith and prayer strong as part of your recovery. For me, if I didn’t, then I most likely would pickup where the tape of my life ended while drinking. I do not wish those times upon anyone.

Please feel to comment or contribute your  thoughts regarding this post. Together we can make a difference in people’s lives.

 

Toxicity

Toxicity

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In a recent post I spoke about a person in dire need of prayers. He is suffering from alcoholism which attributed to a terminal illness that does not leave him much time left in his young  life. It was  not to many months back that I wrote how  alcoholism was running him rampant with poor choices and serious consequences to pay. During that time he had caused turmoil in people’s lives including my own. I tried to work with others to help get him treatment for alcoholism but I did not succeed in doing so. He was not receptive to the opportunity.

Fast forward to the present.  After an incarceration for alcohol related offenses he served his time and was being released. His terminal illness leaving him with a prognosis of  six months to one year to live with no treatment for recovery. He has no family member wishing to be with him and it was up to a few of us to step in to help facilitate setting him up with a place to live. We knew a couple of weeks before his release that this burden would fall upon us. I use a strong word like “burden” because the whole process caused a lot of emotional turmoil for my wife and myself in the days prior to his release and in the days following. Even with the most efficient plan in place it required that he stay with us for a couple of days before his living arrangements could be logistically taken care of. Remember this person has no one to turn to. We had to take the chance to care for this person as it was the right thing to do.

As it went, some preparations went smoothly while other did not. There was much stress placed on my wife as not knowing if things would go as planned to efficiently get this person a place to live. We disagreed on some processes and what should or should not be done for this person. Now this introduced much toxicity in our life even though short-lived. We were successful in finding him living arrangements in the time frame we had planned but not without resistance from him.  Even though a few days have passed since these event took place we still have differences of opinions on how to be available for this person. Sometimes my selfish ways want to cut all ties after the turmoil this person created over the past several months but then my wife reminds me of a time when I was in the same position as this man was. With out the help of one special person I would have never made it to sobriety.

The point of this story is that alcoholism, on many levels, introduces toxicity into the lives of families and friends . I have often heard that you cannot help a person if they do not want it for themselves. Well I tend not to believe that anymore. I think God has placed me on this planet to help my fellow alcoholics and others at any cost no matter what turmoil that brings. That is not to say that I should let it tear apart my close relationships but that I should always stay available especially for that person seemingly does not want to appear to help themselves, This may be their internal cry for help and I should be there regardless. I have heard it said that a drowning person will take you down with them if they do not completely give in to your help. I believe the drowning person desperately wants your help but in their state of panic they do not know how to receive it. I feel this is true for the suffering alcoholic causing turmoil. They deserve to be saved just s drowning person does, less they both die. I know God wants us to take action to save a fellow brother or sisters life.

I know that resistance will continue with this particular person we have helped but we have made a pledge to be there especially as his life diminishes. Once again I know God has placed this person in our lives for a reason, even if  it causes turmoil and even if we do not understand why, so that no one soul goes overlooked. The point again is that this terrible disease will continue to cause toxicity in many people’s lives. I believe how one works through it will determine if a life can be saved from the peril of alcoholism. I know I am a stronger person for the experience and with Gods guidance I will know how to help the next suffering alcoholic that enters my life. May God Bless You as he has me.

Thanks for reading and please feel free to post your remarks,  feelings or experience on this topic of toxicity. With God we can help save lives.