Well I made it to my annual rehab reunion. Unfortunately I underestimated the time to get there and I arrived an hour and a half late. missing the opportunity to hear some recovered alcoholics share their joys of sobriety, which I had so wanted to hear.  It had been 10 years since I last attended. The main purpose of going was to see my counselor who means so much to me. She showed me compassion and understanding at the lowest point of my life; my rock bottom. When I arrived my wife and nephew proceeded to the pavilion were the activities were occurring. I scoured the area looking for my counselor but didn’t spot her. My wife asked me if I saw anyone I recognized and I replied “unfortunately not”. As we wandered around we made our way to a registration table to sign in a get a very nice t-shirt exclaiming the event. I asked one of the staff members if my counselor was attending and she pointed me to a lady sitting not far away. I looked over and there she was.  Her hair had grown longer but her wonderful smile had not changed. We slowly made our way over to her and when we made contact our eyes lit up. We embraced each other tightly and an introduction was made for my wife. It was a very happy moment I will not forget. The musical band in the background was playing loudly so we didn’t get to talk much.

Now here is one of the main reasons I am posting this. She kindly asked me if I was going to  speak to the attendees, sharing my experience as an alcoholic, what happened, and the joys of sobriety. I had suggested, with a nod of my head, that I would speak.  I then looked at my wife and asked her if she wanted to have the  BBQ lunch being served. As I parted ways with my counselor I said I would catch up with her later. You see, For some reason I  became scared of having to speak in front of people. Weeks prior I had promised myself that I would speak, wanting  the opportunity, and was looking forward to it. Unfortunately when it came down to it I panicked. In the past at, at a prior employer, I had to speak in front of an audience of more than a hundred people on a weekly basis so this should have been no reason to feel as I did. Instead I used the excuse to have lunch first as I had done 10 years ago when she had asked me to speak. After lunch it is customary to have speakers share the experiences.  One person of sixteen years sobriety took the honor of doing so. As I listened I became upset that I had missed an opportunity to speak  earlier in the day when I was late. After the speaker was done the person guiding the activities indicated that the reunion  would wind down. Had I had the courage I could have asked my counselor if I could speak or I simply could have stood up and asked if I could share. A request as such would have been welcomed. But I did not. Upset and relieved at the same time I made my way to my counselor to say goodbye. We hugged and she  gave me praise for my book I had written and proudly announced to her fellow colleagues that I had written such.  On the way home I was so upset with myself for not volunteering to speak. I feel that I had a powerful message to share.  My wife told me that it was just not my time and that God would have me speak when I was ready.  As I beat myself up  in disappointment about the whole thing I realized that perhaps the reason I did not speak was because I had rehearsed what I wanted to say for a week before the reunion. It has been said that a person who speaks from the heart will reach more people that the person who delivers the well polished speech.

This is a long-winded post but the point is I should jump at any opportunity to reach out to the suffering alcoholic with no intent of delivering an executed speech but rather to just be myself and share my story as it occurred. The beauty  is that there is no right or wrong way of sharing. Going forward I will attend next years reunion and ask, in advance of the event, if I can share my story with the audience. I am going to pray to God for the strength and courage to do so. It is just further protection to maintain my sobriety and to try and help suffering alcoholics find there way.  May you always have strength and courage. God bless you.