Yesterday proved to be one of my most difficult days I have had in sobriety for some time. When I began this journey of sobriety I agreed to do whatever it takes to stay sober. I mentioned in my book that one very important aspect of my recovery program involves seeing a M.D.  to keep my mental health strong.  Somehow I managed to misplace an already filled prescription and found myself running out of a medicine I have been taking daily since I became sober. I had missed a dose some time in the past and I remember feeling a bit out of sorts that day so I knew what effect not taking this med would have on my behavior.  Because of insurance guidelines I am not eligible for a refill for two more weeks and the medicine is far to  expensive for me to pay out-of-pocket.

I want to tell you now why I feel this is so important for me to discuss. Yesterday I spent all day with my wife doing some driving around looking for camping and fishing spots to visit soon. It had been my first day without taking my medicine. I was feeling groggy to say the least when the day started and things got only worse. The level of irritability I displayed was as bad or worse than it used to be when I was drinking.  I am embarrassed to admit that my wife told me at day’s end that in the six years we have known each other she has never seen me act so ugly. How dangerous a situation this could have become. As it turns out I will get my prescription and will diligently pray and give thanks to God that I was lucky enough to be with my wife during such a difficult day. It was at her expense that I may have been sparred a potential disaster in terms of the desire to drink. I was able to apologize to her for my negative thinking and behaviors yesterday and am grateful. Quite simply I am very lucky.  I will continue to protect my sobriety at all costs but will be careful not to take out any frustrations on my loved ones and friends because with regards to that person I was yesterday, it is only by the Grace of God that will prevent me from going there again. May God Bless your day.

I want to share in this post the importance I place on always being aware of what I am drinking.  This is especially true for me when in the presence where others are partaking in alcoholic drinks. Here are some of the precautions I take and some recent experiences. I often am having a diet Pepsi in a can. Sometimes I do set a half full soda  down for a while and forget where I placed it . Now if I am home alone I feel it is okay for me to finish my soda when I find where I placed it. Now if I am in the presence of others I don’t finish my drink. I learned very early in sobriety to never leave your open drink unattended and to always be aware of what you are being served if that is the case. This brings me to two recent experiences over this Fourth of July and its celebrations. I was at a baseball game and one of the neighbors who attended the game with us was having a beer in close proximity to me.  I looked at it only once and prayed to God for any temptation to  go away at once. I followed that prayer with my protected thought that ” I don’t have to live that way anymore”‘. Also during the game, my sister-in-law surprised me with a fountain soda. As I took the first drink out of the straw,  I immediately smelled the nasty aroma of old stale beer. For a moment I panicked, even though I know she would never ever serve me an alcoholic beverage. In any case I had my wife taste the drink for my safety. I suppose the cups and lids had been adjacent to the beer taps in the concession stands and perhaps  some beer spilled on the lids, just speculation, but still likely. Another reason why i should always be aware of what is being served in my cup. Lastly, in attending a family picnic on the fourth I was about to pour a drink out of an insulated cooler when I stopped for a moment. Earlier I had heard that one relative had brought her “special” tea.  As I was about to pour some in my cup it dawned on me that I didn’t know what as in her special tea. I guarded myself by asking my wife if it contained any alcohol and it did not. The point I am making is that it is important to always know what I am drinking whether I am serving  my self or being provided a drink that is not sealed before I open it. I just feel this is added protection for my sobriety. I hope this can be helpful for you. May God bless you and protect you from that first drink.