Once again here in recent months I have found myself leaving my defenses down against my disease. In a previous post I indicated how I always say to myself, ” I don’t have to live that way anymore” whenever I am around or in the presence of alcohol. Well at a minor league baseball game the other day, with my wife, the presence of beer was being purchased and consumed all around me. The next morning I spoke with my wife about what I had experienced. You see I found myself observing the people and their drinks. I watched as some consumed several and others who just held their drink without hardly taking a swallow. Some complained about the $10 per cup cost as I thought to myself, no big deal, because i would have probably spent a $100 on 10 cups without thinking twice.This was not good. The danger for me was that I spent a little too much time observing and for a brief moment I had what i believe was euphoric recall of the smell and the sensation alcohol had provided me in my early drinking years. I must have gotten distracted because luckily I don’t recall that only lasting for a second or two. The point that I want to make here is that no matter how long I have been sober. I had better remember how sick alcohol had made toward the end of my drinking days. Foremost. I should have prayed that, for any thoughts regarding alcohol be removed from my thinking. I have heard it said that when dangerous thoughts about the pleasure of drinking enter my mind I should always “rewind to my last days of drinking” to remember how ill and close to death I was. In addition , for myself, I should always remember to say ” I don’t have to live that way anymore” I must do this to protect my sobriety and my life. Now I will be attending another game in the near future ,with family, and I am going to remind myself prior to going of what I felt at the last game and how I need to put my defenses in place. I hope that you are able to find what defenses work for you or perhaps use the ones I use. May God bless you with sobriety each day.
